Sunsets and A-lines: lifestyle

anxiety

Every month I'm going to do a post detailing how my anxiety has been for the month previously. This helps me keep track of the ways I am feeling on a monthly basis and maybe it might give those an insight to how much of an emotional roller coaster it is to go through on a daily basis who have no experiencing dealing with someone who suffers with a mental illness, whether it is a loved one or someone they are worried about.

The month of January has been very up and down in terms of anxiety. The start of it was very tough to cope with, a lot of negative news for my family. I've been trying hard to not let it get inside my head, but we all know that's easier said than done.

I've been trying my hardest to stick to my new schedule, or my new structure, to keep my head clear. It's been working and sometimes I've had a few dips where I've just been too drained mentally to do everything within that day that I've got listed to do but I've been persevering and even in my low moments, where I feel like I'm too weak to fight against the anxiety I surprise myself and keep fighting the things that trigger it.

I'm pretty proud of myself though, in regards to goals I've reached this month. I've completed the following:

Not check news sites in Noord-Brabant as much, including 112 Drimble which at the time may ease my anxiety for like 5 seconds and then make me panic for the next few hours or so.
I've written almost 7,000 words in my novel since starting my new schedule 2-3 weeks ago. It's not much, but it's almost 7k more than what I started with.
I've started to think more rationally about things instead of jumping and assuming the worse. If my brain is starting to go on that track of thinking the worst, I focus on an alternative that seems more rational.
I've been cooking. I'm still a beginner and I wasn't very confident at doing things in the kitchen but in the last weekend of January I cooked an entire meal for my family for the first time, by myself and baked a chocolate fudge cake. They were slightly adapted recipes and I may do posts on them if anyone is interested?

So that is this month's anxiety round up. If you are a sufferer of anxiety or any mental health issues, how are you coping today or this month? If any of you need someone to listen to, I'm reachable by email and instagram. You can find the links in my sidebar. You are never alone and I am always willing to help a fellow anxiety sufferer out.

Keep strong!

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, by Jane

anxiety

Freezing Out Your Anxiety

It's no lie that having anxiety is one of the toughest things to experience. Some days you will feel like you're doing well with it and not wanting to run and hide from things, and then the next well: it feels like an apartment building has just been toppled onto you. Then you're back to square one.

I've been suffering for anxiety for quite a while now. Last year took the stuffing out of me. I've had moments where I've been panicking over the smallest thing like if my fiancé hasn't updated me whilst at work at the agreed time or even had overtime, always checking his local news every 10 seconds in case something bad happened whilst he has been delivering pizzas or generally making myself feel anxious to the point I feel sick because I'm scared I'm not good at enough at anything (writing, photography, people liking me and just generally being shit at everything). I've had many irrational thoughts and trying to control them and steer them towards something more positive has been liking jumping hurdles the size of mountains when you simply just have no energy left.

I've had moments where I've been on Skype with my fiancé and because of all the thoughts running through my head about anything and everything, I've just burst into a panic attack after panic attack not knowing what to do. My fiancé has been great supporting me through these moments where I feel so weak and hopeless at anything. Even when I've had snot dripping from both nostrils, my chest burning from hyperventilating and my stomach turning and twisting in every direction he has always been able to calm me down to the point where I'll just curl up on my bed and stay quiet in the call for an hour or so whilst I try to figure out what the heck just happened for me to get to that point. And most of the time to people it seems like it's probably nothing. But to me, during those panic attacks: it's something and if it wasn't something then I wouldn't feel so intense about it. It's hard to describe the things that trigger your anxieties without your brain latching onto it and making you feel worse.

I've been doing a little better these last two months, December and January. Of course, there have been times where I've been weak and succumbed to the anxiety but I've put a plan in place to help me combat these irrational thoughts. Below are the techniques I'm using on a daily basis to help my anxiety, so far I'm doing quite well using them and I've been feeling more clear-headed and focused since.

Structure your day

By this, I mean plan out your day. Have a daily plan you'll stick to for at least 5 days of the week so you get into the routine of being productive and not letting your anxious thoughts fester. Personally, I've found having a structure to follow really beneficial and it keeps my thoughts from getting in. This is how the structure of my day looks:

7.30-8am: Wake up ready to FaceTime with my fiancé before he goes to work.
9am-9.20am: - Facetime with my fiancé.
9.20am-10am: - Get out of bed and make it. Get washed/showered/bathed and dressed before going downstairs and making porridge for breakfast.
10am - 11am: Write my novel for an hour every morning, with no internet connection. This helps keep me from getting distracted. I also don't put any pressure on myself to write a set amount of words each day. I just write for an hour and however many words I write in that hour, I decide to be happy and content with it. The most important thing is, I've written some of my novel.
11am - 12pm: Get lunch. Breakfast and lunch are super important. Your body needs glucose to start the day and to get all those things done! Make sure to eat regularly throughout the day and do not skip meals!
12pm-2pm: Depending on the day do any of the following: go out for a walk and take photos/to the shop with my parents, read a book, call my sister on Skype, read a book or play a game with my twin sister.
2pm - 3pm: Try to practise some Dutch every other day. Whether that is reading Dutch websites, watching a Dutch show or reading Het Achterhuis (Anne Frank) in Dutch etc.
3pm - 4pm: Eat dinner.
4pm - 6pm: Watch a TV Show / Film that I enjoy before my fiancé finishes work for the day.
6pm - 10.30pm: Skype with my fiancé and then go to sleep.

Stop avoiding situations

When we get anxious, we usually tend to avoid situations that scare us or may be completely new to us. This usually leads anxious people to avoid situations in which they would be considered normal to be doing such as reading a book, going out for a walk and generally just any hobby that would usually make you feel good about yourself. The only problem with this, is that the more we avoid situations the more we'll let the anxiety control us.

If you're in a situation where you're starting to feel anxious or panicked (i.e stomach churning, sweaty palms, dry mouth and so on) try your best to stay in at as long as possible. Build it up slowly. Try staying in the situation for five minutes at first, and then gradually to ten. The likelihood of something bad happening in these situations is pretty slim and you'll find out for yourself that in the end: it's probably going to be okay.

Take control of your anxious impulses

For all the things anxiety causes us to stop doing, it also makes us start doing things that are completely uncharacteristic. These impulses can lead to us feeling worse even if at first they've felt reassuring. That reassurance starts to become more and more temporary as time goes on, sometimes only even for minutes at a time. The best thing I've found to do is to engage with this impulse but not in a way that allows it to control you. Tackle the impulse. Whatever this impulse is trying to make you do or think, persevere and stand up to it whichever way possible.

For example, when I feel anxious I tend to spam my fiancé's phone with worried messages like "please be safe" throughout a shift and then I would refresh his local news site anxiously every minute feeling more and more sick with worry. One time, he was on the way to work and I couldn't stop these thoughts from happening. They thought of the worst scenario and just ran with it causing me to send him 70 - yes you read that right - messages in a 20 minute span full of anxious babbling and needing constant reassurance.

I was not proud of myself at all. I felt like I had hit an all time low.

My brain thought if I didn't send these messages that it would affect my fiancé's well-being and I was basically crying out for constant reassurance just because I thought it would help me feel less anxious. It didn't. If anything, I felt reassured for a limited amount of time before going straight back into the same cycle.

I've been trying my hardest to not send as many of these messages: limiting myself to sending 20 Whatsapp/text messages throughout his entire shift unless he texts me first. By doing this, I'm telling my brain that me sending these messages has no affect on the outcome and this in turn then helps my brain to get into a routine of not needing to constantly send those messages, check the local news websites etc. Now, I'm starting to think: oh he's just busy and focusing on his job, rather than instantly going to the worst scenario possible.

It's okay to ask for help

There's a huge stigma around people asking for professional or unprofessional help from people when it comes to mental health. Many of us think that if we ask for help from someone, that we are weak. When we're not. Being mentally ill does not make you weak nor any less of a person. You're still that amazing person you've always been and if anything you are strong for dealing with it for so long. You are strong for wanting to stand up to the illness and telling it that you won't allow it to control you any more. However you do it. It's okay to want help, it's okay to ask to go to the doctor to get some counselling. No one is going to judge you for wanting to get better and no one is going to judge you for how you feel. No one can force you to seek help either. You should seek help because you want to do it for yourself and yourself only, not to please other people around you. Do it to better yourself for you. Not for anyone else.

Stock image used as title image can be found here.